When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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