It's Friday. Sex?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Text me some of your sweat
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