here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
