Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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