Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
