I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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