the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
