There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
