So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
as a side note pls kill me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
