I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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