Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
