I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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