Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
