If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize