yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
