she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
