I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
