Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
