Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
is it fun? or sober?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
