the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
420 ftw
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
