Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
