Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
