dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A+ Viking dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
