he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
