I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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