He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
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