he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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