Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
