I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
