it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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