can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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