i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
