I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
