there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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