Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
