Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
