I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
