i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
