we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
