I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
