I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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