I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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