I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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