I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
