fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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