Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
