I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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