this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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