he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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