I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
