we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This is my gift to your gina
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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