The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
