Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
