i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
