eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
