my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
