did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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