I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
