It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
