i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize