Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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