were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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