i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
