It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
