I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
