i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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