i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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