I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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