Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How external is "for external use only"?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
