Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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