Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
