Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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