Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
