I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
