So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
