How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
