i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
