so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
