Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
