Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
