I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
