so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize