dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
