I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
