hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
