so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
