I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
