i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
