i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
