At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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