a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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