If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
