I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
