it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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